okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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