I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
