He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
