Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
