I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
