Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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