your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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