Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
