It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize