he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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