My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
