I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
