on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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