We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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