absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
