Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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