Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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