Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
