how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my being single is dangerous.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
