i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
