I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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