I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
