Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
