genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
