haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
