im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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