hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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