So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize