I accidentally burped into my bong.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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