Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
