This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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