The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I came so hard my ears popped.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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