Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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