ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
