my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
