before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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