I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
