I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
