I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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