So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
