If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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