I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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