Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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