It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
