we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
