I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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