that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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