I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
