God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
