oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
