Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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