I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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