It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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