I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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