just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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