Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
