Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
