Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
