I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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