You're my little dorito
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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