Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
