I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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