They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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