we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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